Little Rant
Ok i realize that the break room at work is not my personal study space, and that other people use it, but again.... CLOSE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!! its one thing to be an ass hole but then to sit right next to me while i am trying to so my chemistry homework and eat FUCKING gummie bears and smak your god dam lips..... HERES AN IDEA.....how about you shut the hell up before i crack you one in the mouth!!!!! Seriously i completely understand why people go nuts....NO STOP EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!FOR CHRISTS SAKE STOP EATING...OR LEAVE, YEAH LEAVE....YOU SAID YOU HAD TO LEAVE BY 5:15 ANYWAY WHATS 10 MINS....I CAN HANDLE EVERYONE ELSE BUT YOU AND YOUR GOD DAMN GUMMIE BEARS...................
Remeber this Rachel....
So why do i worry myself? Do i just enjoy worring? NEways, Micheal called me yesterday morning and i went and picked him up at his buddies house around 9:30am. I brought him to go get his truck and then we went up to his uncles, where he is house sitting and spent the whole day just hanging out and joking around, It was great. we took my truck out to Standard Creek Rd and drove down it for like 3 or 4 hours, "hunting"....but mostly we just talked and goofed off, just being happy that we were together... I havent felt that happy adn relax in a long time and later as i was waiting in the truck while Micheal ran in to get the pizza we ordered for dinner i was petting Bear and wondering why i was so worried the last couple weeks, we're fine, we're always fine. Micheal and i are like the masters at love...ok maybe not the masters but even when we are busy and rarely get to see eachother we;re still ok.... cause when we do get to have some alone time its just that mcuh sweeter.... Oh and i would like to have it on teh record that Micheal have officially put my truck in the ditch before me...ahahahahha! thats right MR "YOU'LL PUT YOUR TRUCK IN THE DITCH LONG BEFORE I EVER DO..." definatly drove right into the ditch and got us stuck on our little adventure yesterday....I was laughing so hard that i couldnt be mad, because like a week ago he made some comment about my driving and how i would put my truck in a ditch again, and i said "no you;ll put it in a ditch" adn look i was right...hehehhee but while we we're getting it out i kept looking at Micheal and then at Bear in the truck looking at us like "HEY, why'd we stop?" adn i realized, thats what loves about....the times you end up in the ditch but pull eachother out....ok that was a way cheesy analogy...but its true, no matter how many times micheal and i get stuck we always manage to pull through....thats why i love him, cause we can laugh at eachother, make fun of each other and because he put my truck in the ditch....LOL odd reason to love someone huh?
Crash and Burn
So the U really needs to put salt down...I was heading back to work after class, i had stopped by my dads office cause he picked me up some lunch (thank God cause i was starving and forgot my lunch at home) and totally whiped out coming out of his building. it was like SMACK!!!! the ground came up and hit me and then i was like "SHIT! im falling!" but i was already on the ground. i didnt even have a chance to recover. I landed so hard right on my knee, the same knee that i parially tore the ACL on earlier in my life. i bet its gonna hurt tomorrow. It already hurts now, but when i looked at it it wasnt bruised, alittle swollen but no bruising..yet.Work has been busy today cause i am sitting at Maria;s desk. its nice. well i got 15 more min untill i'm off and then i am probably going thanksgiving shopping with my mom...I love thanksgiving.Oh and i went to hang out with micheal yesterday....i thought that we would be alone but apparently he invited mike nicholson out to his uncles too.... i wasnt completely clear on it...but mike told me that his girlfriend Margo and him broke up, so i wonder if thats why micheal had him out there, is that how guys console eachother? I dont know, but it was hard to be irritated with him when i found that out. But still is it selfish that i wanted to hang out with my boyfriend..alone? and i tried to talk to micheal about everything that is bugging me and he did his usual of, "i have not" or "thats not how it is, we never talk everyday" and the infamous "I'm irritated because you keep asking why i am irritated"just one question for all of you men out there, WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN!!!!!!!?
i look like i was in a bar fight!
My eye is all swollen from the plane ride back from Anchorage. I thought that is would go down by this morning but appartently i was wrong. So advise to all, if you ever have a cut on your head with a staph infection dont fly....Unless you find the bar fighter look appealing. i still dont know for sure that micheal and i are going to get together tonight... if we dotn i would be a big fat liar if i said that i wouldnt be upset. I'm so sick of school right now, i want to just be on a beach sleeping with micheal next to me...or mayber better yet in a hotel room on fresh clean cotton sheets and the doors to a balcony open overlooking the beach and a nice cool summer breeze ruffling the sheet as we lay cuddleing.... thats what i want.:) well back to work, before my boss gets mad that i'm not doing anything again....LOL
Look at me on a roll----three days in a row
So look at this i am post for the third day in a row.Micheal didnt call yesterday, kinda ticked me off so i finally called him at 11 when i was going to bed. He said that he was sorry and that he forgot to call me, all i could think was " forgot, or didnt want to"....He did want to get together tonight. Maybe this is all in my head and we are just both so busy lately.but i keep thinking about how it used to be, when we werent so busy with other things and everything was so much easier...how could i have ever thought that things would get easier as we got older...And i keep thinking/ wondering if he is ever gonna ask me to marry him, i mean its been almost 7 years now, three out of high school... i guess i'm wondering what it is that he knows that i havent figured out yet...cause thats how its alway been believe it or not. Micheal always seems to know things before me, like i was ready to jump into marriage right out of high school, btu he knew we werent ready, and i dont like the way he made me realize it but looking back he was right...but i'm almost done with college now, i'll be graduating in a year and a half most likely, so the tuition waver i get through my dad wont be an issue because i wont have my scholarship anymore and the waver ends when i get my bachlors cause its no good for masters degree classes. and i will have a beter paying job cause i can get paid to do my masters study... but honestly...i'm getting no vibe from Micheal that he wants to settle down...and the more i think about it the more frustrated i get, and scared knowing that i could love somone this much that i might be leaveing in the next two years...cause i'm begining to realize that marriage is important to me...I dotn just want to spend the rest of my life with someone no strings attached...is that so wrong?
So things look better at 7:30 in the morning
So i was haveing a pretty crappy day yesterday adn topped it off with the migraine from hell.But this morning i woke up ready to start the long task of getting all my ids adn bankd stuff straightend out. but as i approached natural science somthing told me that i should take a look in the classroom and see if maybe my purse was still there. adn guess what? it was...Someone had gone through it probably looking for money and everything was just crammed back into it but it was all there. Even my Visa, wich was stuck to the back of my school ID.i already went ahead adn had Visa cancel the card but oh well i needed a new one anyway.and maybe this time i will get a good pin number.then i had to take my chem test today, the one that i studied for all weekend and that gave me the horrible headache....and i know that i got atleast one question right! which is like a first for me in that class...so far i have failed every test. My stomach hurts again though...i think that maybe i should go tot the doctor adn get checked out, cause i am starting to wonder if i could have a stress induced alcer....I would blame chemistry if i do. I keep telling everyone, everything bad in my life can be traced back to that class, it makes me too stressed out.but all in all i am having an ok day, mainly because i dont havet o go to DMV and the chem test is over. Oh and just before my chem test i ran into this guy that i used to work with Eric...he had jsut gotten done with a physics test...turns out he is back working at the prospector. i remember this one time i hid under the stairs in the shoe department to scare him after closing and my friend Adrienne was upstairs pretending like she was talking to me, but i started laughing really hard thinking about how he was going to scream like a little girl and he ran right past me before i could yell BOO! then like two nights later i was running to the back of the store to check the last dressing room adn guess who jumped out of it and about made me pee my pants? yeah so it was good to see him just before my test, it helped calm me down i think cause then i was thinking about that and how funny it was.oh and i applied for 5 different jobs, mostly research assistant stuff, hopefully i will hear back on one of them soon.
Maybe they are right....
So i think that V and Ash are right. i read this stupid horescope the other day that said somthing about how micheal may ask me for a "greater commitment". Ashley adn V both kinda made fun of me for half way believeing it andthe more that i think about it and the way that micheal asks i think that they are right. Hes not gonna ask me, not now...it fact the way that he had been acting the last few days i think he might be thinking about the total opposite...We just dont ever see eachother anymore and even when i make time and try to get together with him he always seems to begoing up to his uncles or have plans already made....Micheal doesnt make plans in all the years i have known him. adn he last couple times that i called him to see if he wanted to get together he just says no and then when i inquire why like if he is going to his uncles or to mike nicholson's and he said no that he just didnt want to hang out with me he just felt like sitting at home doing nothing.I just dont get it how things can turn around so fast...you would think i would be used to t by now...it seems like sense micheal and i have gotten out of high school its just one rock after another, but before we always made it through because we loved eachother, i guess i just dont know what to think or feel about all this and that way he has been acting.and then friday i forgot my purse in chemistry and it someone didnt turn it in ( wich i doubt) i have to go and get a new polar express, Drivers license, bank card and checks. the worst part about it is that i have to pay to get a new licence made just to have to pay to have another one made in February when i turn 21. this wouldnt even be on y mind right now but when i call Ash yesterday to talk to her about it cause i was really upset that i had lost my purse and tha litterally my wholelife is in there. adn then while i was talking to her i realized the whole license thing wich just upset me even more and what does ashley do? she started laughing at me and saying how funny it was....she does stuff like that all the time but its really starting to bother me because she seems to think that its hillarious when i get screwed over...and we go to breakfast every friday right? well not this last time but the time before she had us splitthe bill 50 50 but then i realized that her meal had been like 7 bucks more than mine.... she tired to play it off like she didnt know but i'm starting to think that she thinksthat cuase i still live with my parents i have all this extra money lieing around....i make 100$ a week!!!! adn 50 or that goes to gas alone.maybe i am mainly just irritated because of everything that had been gong on...so i am jumping to conlusions. I'm just so ready for this semester to be over...im ready to be out of school adn feel like i have something happening in my life...somethng more concrete. I'm tired of drifting,i want some stable ground
I keep waiting on You
I keep waiting on everyone whose blog i frequent to write somthing new for me to read but no one has and then i realized...neither have I......Funny how that works huh?well funny story...so Micheal called me the other day and told me what he was getting me for christmas...i guess he is sick of me always guessing and "ruining the suprise" so this year he just came out and asked me to choose between two things, headlight and tail light covers or a lift kit for my truck. i would prefer the lift but i'm worried it would be too expensive. hes looking at buying a house and he doesnt need to be waisting his money on material things for me.And then my sisters Boyfriend sent her pictures of engagement rings....told her to tell him wich one she likes. SHEs only 16!!!!! but i'm not going to get into all that cause its probably nothing...shooot a year ago micheal brought me into a store to look at rings but nothing ever came of that no did it.Oh adn i made myself dinner last night adn for the most part it was good. one part of the chicken was rock hard..not frozen but like petrified rock...wich i am contesting was not at all my fault...maybe the birds...or the people who packaged it.... but any way it was good adn i cooked it all by myself...best part: i wasnt sick this morning either...well i guess that is all for now.
Dang Cold
So i havent posted in a while cause i havent really had anything interesting to say or i was too tired from studying. I dont think i have had a good restful nights sleep in over two weeks now and there are no signs that i will be getting on any time soon. Adn today the thermostat in my English class was broken so it kept turning the AC on in the room....so needless to say it felt colder in there than it did outside and now my throat hurts. Loose ends...so the girl i worked with quit and apparently they hired someone new who is old enought to not only be MY mother but my Supervisors mother too, i'm gonna give her a chance but i think this may be wierd.Manly cause i have been there longer but she is older and i dont know but i think it will be weirdI HATE COLDS-just had to add that because i amd starting to realize that i really feel like shit, its hitting me really fast too i didnt feel sick untill i had been at work for an hour or so and then i felt light headed and my throat started hurting adn now my whole body aches adn i feel really really tiredso the real reason that i started writing again today....know what i'm gonna have to finish later...i need to go lay down...i think i am going to pass out
