Friday, September 09, 2005

time to sit a ponder

The more and more i think about school and how much work i have to do before it is done and i begin to wonder if med school is really what i want. I'm not enough like my cousin Rebecca to be able to finish school in the amount of time that she did. she actually finished her bachlors in 4 years...i'm on the 6 year plan it seems. And i think that if i get called for the lab job in Dr happs lab i will have to decline it because the only time that i have time to dedicate to work is in the summer..... i'm just starting to wonder if all the choices that i am making are really what i want and if they will make me happy.....all i really know is that i like school more than work.....maybe that is it....teaching............but i know what everyone will accuse me off if i change my path, that i am doing this for Micheal..... I wish sometimes that my parents and family and even some of my friends could look past that for one, why would i have to do it for him....maybe loving him is what is best for me....maybe staying here would make me happier adn not because of him.....
Everyone just seems to assume, whenever i mention that i'm not sure if med school is really for me, that i say it becuase i am affraid of leaving him....thats not true and i feel sometimes like i am being forced in one direction because of all these accusations. Yes i love him dearly but i would not give up my dreams for him.


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