Monday, August 22, 2005


How can you love this much? to the point that pain doesnt matter....where the idea that its all for nothing doesnt fase you because you have the here and now.... where you know you'll hate one another, both end up feeling abandoned but yet you hang on because of that little shred of hope that it will be ok. I LOVE THIS MAN!!!!! no matter what it brings, no matter if i have to cry at night alone becuase i know we may not make it... I love him just the same....And i know that i will always love him, and if he allows me to choose him over a carreer i would, i would give up med school and far away lands if he asked me....i would give up everything.... And that is a scary thought, to know that i can feel this way, that i can love so much that it would take just one choice of him to make me change my entire life..... if he quit tomorrow for good and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him i would.... i realized this weekend that the only reason that i want to get away from here is because its the only excuse i have to leave him for what he is doing..... because its not that it hurts me directly...its watching him hurt himself that kills me. because i love him.


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