I didnt have a very good day yesterday. work was long, i didnt feel good, and Micheal and i had alittle spat. I did get to go see my brother's beloved Jezabelle's puppies though....she had 10 all together, the biggest one named Coco Bean is a beautiful Chocolate lab, then there are two yellow labs, one white lab, and the rest are black like Jezabelle and Duke. They are so cute :) but what puppy isnt?their eyes should open in the next couple weeks, and in a few months they will be going to new homes. I think my brothers wife Courtnie wants to keep Coco Bean though, he is her favorite. He is cute but he is going to be huge like his dad, maybe even bigger. Hes already dam near twice the size of the others in the litter. I like the Runt, she is this little black lab that looks like Jezabelle, I told my brother he should name her Chance, but now that i think about it i dont think the name really fits her. I think it will be easier to name them once they get bigger and have a little more personality.
So i guess i should stop avoiding the subject.... I talked to Micheal yesterday and questioned him again about his ring. He told me that he lost it, but the way he said it....it bothers me. Cause when i asked him if he would like me to buy him a new one he was like "i really dont care, if you want to go ahead" i was like well do you want one or not? then he said somthing about me being whiny and paraniod....I just got off the phone, Its like he doesnt even understand why i was upset that he didnt tell me that he had lost it. and the more he hangs out with that Jack Ass he calls a friend the worst he gets... I like all of Micheals other friends, but this guy...there is no way that i can liek him, he is such and ass to me, he even threatened to hit me once, and he got Micheal to Dump me once after High School....And every time that Micheal tries to quit smoking its this guy that convinces him that he shouldnt....And i know micheal is a big boy and can make his own choices but it doesnt help to have a friend pressuring you to do somthing wheh you are trying to quit.
Hes just been acting like a jerk again lately, he does this everytime he hangs out with this guy, everytime he starts smoking again...i've only seen him once this week by his choosing. i dropped by his work yesterday, and left cause it was obvious he didnt want me there. and we're not going to Valdeze now. I dotn want to say this, i dont even want to think it...but its getting there....I dont think i can do this....I dont think that i can keep waiting for somthing that isnt gonna happen because its getting too far gone to save....I cant keep loving on a rollercoaster....I NEED to be sure about something again.....I NEED to know that this is going somewhere, anywhere.....i NEED to know that i'm not an idiot, or that i am, for loving him.....I'm sick of not having a plan, or waiting to see what is going to happen...i'm getting sick of waiting for him....for him to GROW UP!!!!!!!!
posted by Rachel_Bachert @ 10:44 AM
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