Every cloud has a Snowy Lining:)
So things are going... I'm not as frustrated with my work mate today, school is school (three test left this week), friends are friends and Micheal and i are hanging out tonight....i feel like i'm just floating down the stream right now....There is some drama with school i guess. The U seems to think that my dad isnt/hasnt been a full time employee for the last 25 years and now they want me to pay back all the money from my tuition waver wich is over $1000.oo. But my mom said that i am not to worry about it and to just concentrate on school and that she will straighten it all out. i hope she does and doesnt just forget about it....
Jere and Courtnie are Expecting the baby sometime in June...so i will be an aunt, so far i think i am getting excited about this. I agree with my dad that they really shoudl have waited untill they had a house of their own and werent renting from courts parents but how can i not be excited about a baby? its such a miracle...a little life inside her tummy right now..about the size of a lima bean.... I find it weird though that it has also made me wonder about weather or not i ever want children.... i used to want them but lately i have been begining to look at the world differently and i really am beginig to wonder if i want to bring a child into this world. its so harsh. and i know that its not always and that there are plenty of reasons to have a baby but i keep thinking about just how lucky i am who i am, with the parents that i have and the things that i have adn what if i cant give my kid all the things that my parents were abl;e to give me? or if i turn out to be the shittiy parent ever? adn how do you protect them...you cant be there every second of everyday and there are so many things out there that werent there when i was a kid. i mean i had never really heard of Pot untill Junior high, never seen it untill i was in college. and i look at my baby sister and the things she does and is exposed to and frankly is scares the shit outa me.
and then all this thinking about babies makes me wonder if its really all that important cause i may never get married either. i mean Micheal and i have been together for 6.5 years and we dont even talk about the "M" word any more. we used to back before it was ever going to be a reality but then after we went through the hard year or so and came out on the otherside we havent really talked about it. I've brought it up but i dont see him asking.
and its not like i want to get married now...i'm thinking in like a couple years...when i get my bachlors but i am not at all opposed to engagement...
But then i wonder if i really want that or if i am just struggling to find some sort or stable ground in my life right now because i feel like i am just drifting......not really headed anywhere....
posted by Rachel_Bachert @ 4:10 PM
2 Comments:
you seem to be going back and forth on a lot of issues. WHen you talk about them, you sounnd so sure, but then you will turn around and change your mind later and be sure of that. Thats what being a teenager is all about (okay you are out of your teens, but you are still in that stage). College is about learning who you are and figuring out what you are going to do with your life. You are doing that. Its good. I"m glad you are happy, for the moment. I'm like McDonalds. I love to see you smile.
I put a poll on my blog to see what I should do. You should give me advice. :D Its in blue, so its easy to find. :D
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