Worste sister ever....
So i am starting to feel like the worste sister in the world right now because i dont htink htat i am going to go to anchorage to see leah wrestle at State this coming weekend. its partially cause i hate the drive to Anchorage nad the only thing i hate more than the drive is being there. but also if i am going to stick to my new years rsolution i cant afford to go either cause i am looking at around 300$ just for the gas down and back, hotel, food and to get into the tournement. and i know its a horrible way to think because i want to be supportive of Leah but what if i go down there and she gets bumped form the tournement before we even get there, wich could very easily happend, then i would have spent all that money and for what? to spend the weekend in a town that i hate? and my mom said that she would pay for me to go but i am so sick of feeling like i loaf off of my mom so much. lately i have been feeling really guilty about still living with my parents let alone letting them pay for me every time i turn around. I just feel like i'm never gonna be able to make it on my own cause i am getting too dependant on them, everybody i know already makes enough to live on their own and support them selves and here i am living at home and the only thing that i pay for is gas and i still dont have jack shit....then my dad keeps pissing me off too, like he really knows how to jerk my chain and he seems like he is just doinmg it more and more lately. I wish that i could just get a fucking loan already and buy my own house so that i could move outa here.Its stupid cause i have enough for a down payment and then some and i could afford the payments on a 30-40,000 house but no one will give me the loan or let me sign cause i dotn have any credit...i am going to try at the end of this semester to see if my bank will let me get pre approved for a home loan, other wise i think i may just break down and take micheal up on his offer to move out with him, even though i said i wouldnt untill we were engaged...i'm just so sick of feeling like i'm not welcome and like i am a mooch.
adn NO i dont want to pay rent, adn NO i refuse to live in an apartment....i still feel that it is a waste of money to rent adn i would rather live in my truck than in an appartment. I';m sorry if that is harsh sounding but i';m in a really bad mood right now and i dotn feel very compasionate .....maybe next time i write i will be better, or maybe i will be living in my truck....
posted by Rachel_Bachert @ 7:16 PM
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