Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Court went into labor again tonight, she started to rupture the sac ( that means her water started to break) the baby has no chance of survival right now at 21or 22 week, he might make it if he gets to 24 but my mom said he would be blind, deaf , have heart problems adn need to be tube fed for the rest of his life....they took her and jere to anchorage on an emergecy flight...i keep praying, but i dont know what i;m praying for....I dont want them to loose the baby but hes too little right now, hes gonna be too little for a while...i know jere is gonna take this hard and i cant even be there for him...i'm scared like everyone else.I just dont understand why some pple who are so undeserving get perfect little babies adn jere adn court need to go through this....If there is a God why would he do this to them? adn dont give me that shit about "its a test..."maybe he should "test" the fucking crack whore down the hall, give her a reason to change her life...."test" the asshole who beats his wife...."test" somone who deserves to be tested....and why wouldhe test us anyway? i thought he was all loveing and forgiving...FUCK YOU!!!!!YOU TAKE THEIR BABY AND FUCK YOU!!! thats what i have to say.
the lady down the hall had her baby while we were there...he husband was so happy, Leah told me she was jealous of them...I was angry...angry cause "God" was doing this the jere and court....and then sad part is no matter how angry i am i dont know where least to turn but to God, adn ask him to help them, to not do this to them...i really hope he;s listening


At 1:46 AM, Blogger Alaska said...

Rachel, You're angry, scared, lonely and confused. I am I.

Is there a God and if so why does God let such painfull events happen??? That is a question humans have been asking since the time they became humans. I struggle with it often and have been wrestling with it last month especially hard...even before the problems you describe began. My only answer is that I certainly pray that God exists. If there is no God, all human endeavor, all joy, sorrow, happiness, grief,,,all life and very EXISTANCE, is a meaningless dance of matter and energy taking place in the cold, lonely ballroom of space and time. Do the graceful pirroetts, the romantic spins or painful stumbles worth a damn? Is it even a dance if there is no ETERNAL audience to give aplause?

As to the question of why a God would allow bad things to happen even to "good" people...Can there exist beauty without the existence of ugliness? Can ther be good without evil? What is light if there is no darkness? In the ballet of the universe we are the performers not the eternal audience. We do not have the perspective to judge the nuances of the interweaving rythmns or the blending of the movements. As human dancers we are blessed/cursed with being able to hear the rythmns for our routine. We even strive to understand how our steps and gyrations fit into the entire production, but our part is much to short in duration to allow full comprehesion.

I think it is important to focus on the beauty of our own small steps. To appreciate the miracle that our steps of love can somehow come together and through an incrediably intricate process, create a whole new dancer and dance. If that dancer's dance only consists of a few tiny steps, or, if it is a dance that lasts for a hundred years, does not matter. Brief polkas are just as valuable as long waltzs to the overall performance. It is only the audience applause that matters when the curtains fall...if there is an audience...and I pray that there is...I have faith that there is and I think I am part of this audience!!!

At 2:11 PM, Blogger darkfinchfairy said...

bit drunk but yeah ignore that factor but it's a reason for a short comment so i dont make an ass of myself

i hope courts ok and everything to do with that.

i do have msn:)

hope to speak to you some time :)



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