Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Out of it

So i feel really out of it this moring. what it is, i dont know. i think that i am just getting into the motions of school but for some reason i feel bored and exhausted all at the same time. adn this morning i started feeling really sick while on my way to work, like the same sick feeling when i was driving in from Jere and courts.maybe its cause i didnt eat breakfast....
i was reading some of my old posts and i realized that my bloghas gotten really boring. but i just dont have anything that interesting to write about and i tend to me artistic when i have something Lovey Dovey to exagerate but lately i dont. I talked to micheal about everything that has been going on and how i was feeling last week, and last week things really seemed to be turning around, he actually seemed like he wanted me around but then monday he didnt want to hang out cause he said he was going to either work on his Suburban or go to his uncles or something and from moday he has gone back to ignoring me, not calling me and acting like he doesnt want me around other than to ask me if he could use my credit card to order some stuff for his truck, i told him yeah as long as he gave me the money up front cause i have very little in my account and then he showed me what all he wanted to order. As soon as he was done though he went back to being a butt head ( that sounds juvinille but he was) adn then he wouldnt give me a kiss when i was leaving and acted like he was irritated when i gave him one. I dont know what his problem is, i have an idea. I'm at the end of my leash now...i;m tired of his crap, i;ve stood by him all these years, we;ve been through thick and thin but i really think I need a break now, cause if he thinks he can act like that FINE but i wont be around to put up with it. I;m not even mad right now, i;m just tired. he can call me when he feels like it but i;m tired of loosing sleep trying to figure him out, i talk to him and nothing ever changes, at least not for very long. i thought that was how we made it so far, by talking our issues out but i;m too tired to keep talking especially when it feels like no one is listening.And the cold hard trueth is that i really dont think we;re going any where anymore....i feel like he gave up along time ago and im the idiot who has stuck around all these years "knowing" that we were going somewhere, now i dont even know if i care.....i really hope hes happy


At 3:58 PM, Blogger darkfinchfairy said...

it made complete sense, and strangely i understood it all, being fed up of crying, wanting school to be over, and i dont think it's selfish to want him to want you. I feel that way, i want Danny to feel shit without me, but scarey thing is i have that sinking feeling in my stomach that he doesnt even think about me at all any more, last week after not talking to me for 2 weeks he came online things were really nice and relaxed, but then he said i probably wouldnt get to talk to him again, ever. he doesnt intend to come online any more, he's moving on, from me or in life or both i dont know. Guess i have to do the same really, but it's like a huge part of my life is now missing, he said he'd come over and see me, but i've learnt not to get my hopes up high about the things he says that envolve coming to see me. he said he might get back in touch when his mom's baby is due to tell me how it went, but again, not keeping up hopes. In regards to you and Michael i want things to work out, he sounds like he makes you happy when he's not being an arse. all my love and hugs go out to you, and i dont mind that you're not wanting to talk about it all in full, i dont think i'll ever write up in full everything that's been going through my head over Danny.

remember am always here, so to speak, if you want to talk to someone who doesnt really know it all.


Post a Comment

<< Home