Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Sometimes i feel like screaming

So something is up lately...Micheal and i are fighting adn ignoring eachother. its like we are in a slump and cant get out, and some people are just making it worst by gloating in it, liek they are happy that i am miserable and irritated and exhausted.I;m not going to name names though, i'm sure they know who they are.
Last night i jsut gave up and left his house saying "next time if you dont want to see me or hang out be an ass to start with dotn wait till i drive across town..." and then i left, without a good bye, without saying "i love you"....we never leave without saying "ilove you"
I called him last night to say good night and to see if we could talk things out but he was still in the same...well for loss of a better word...Bitchy ass mood as when i had been at his house. Its like he is pissed off at me...or board with me.
Myabe it was bound to happen, i mean we;ve been together sence we were 14, maybe people arent supposed to fall inlove that young because you change too much, because you just end up falling out. The scary thing is that i'm typing all this, thinking about it, contemplateing what could be happening and i just feel exausted....too tired to feel pain, or hurt. like last night normally i would have driven home crying, i started to, my eyes started welling with tears and then i started thinking about what micheal was doing...playing video games not caring that i had left, no actually he was probably getting his coat to go hang out with his friends now that i was gone...then i was just angry....All i wanted was some time with him, for him to hold me and kiss me...for him to act like he was in love with me....I;m sick of hearing it i want to see it from him...i'm tired of feeling like i was just the thing to do while he waited for his freinds....and i know that this should hurt more when i say it and that scares me, but i'm getting offly sick of trying....
I;m starting to think that love is a big load of shit....what the hell is the point if at the end of the day things have to change, and you cant keep that innocence, that feeling of falling, what the hell are you to do when your that old married couple before you are even married.................i guess you close your eyes and go to bed, see how you feel in the morning


At 5:13 PM, Blogger darkfinchfairy said...

*hugs* no offence intended towards michael, but he sounds like he needs a wakeup call on what he's either going to miss out on, or is going to lose. It sounds like you put the effort in, and i guess he does too, just not all the time maybe, i dont really know so i can't really judge. but to me, you've been amazing and helped me through so many times that have been shit and fucked up, and i dont like to think of you as upset, and getting hurt, even though you dont feel it so much. heh i may be young, but i just want to hug you and tell you that everything will be ok, or find out what is going on with Michael, so that i can try and help. lol i make it sound so simple, when i know it's not, but i wish sometimes things could be.
i hope things do sort out, for the better, so you're happy :)
Ketch xxxxxxx


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