Deleted post
Just so no one is confused...yes i took a post off of my blog...i think it would be best not to put it on here again untill i talk to the people that it adressed and i dont want them to be angry at me for not talking to them about it first...if you are confused email me....and if you already read the entry and have comments i will still post any response that i have...plus it was such a long post i should edit it to shorten it...however i will probably put back up the part about my trip to anchorage to see Koa and Jere and Court cause it was the highlight of my spring break:) so here is that section:
First things first, I went to anchorage this weekend with my dad to see jere and court. By far the best drive down there and back i have ever had, and i dont think that it was just because it was daylight out, the road was clear pretty much the whole time and there was almost no ice!!! amazing i know. so we left friday morning/noon and got down there that evening, got checked into a hotel, and went to the hospital. All week i had been grappeling with wether or not i felt comfortable enough to go in to see Koa but when the time came i went...he is alot smaller than the pictures made him look but he seems to be doing pretty well. I was really glad that i didnt let my aprehention about going down there stop me, becuase i feel so much better about things now. Everyone had me so worried, thinking that Koa wasnt doing that good and that he wasnt improving and that Jere and courts marriage was suffering and that they were fighting alot, but when my dad adn i got there it was a completely different story. Jere and Court are stressed but they are going to be fine and baby koa is impressing his docs everyday:) i was really worried about Jere too, with the stress and everything, but after going down there i feel alot better...he has really become a man/dad in the last month or so adn i dont feel like i need to worry about him as ,much as i was.
comment response
So i got a couple responses about my last blog entry, i think i might have not been clear on somethings, although i thought the length of the entry helped to clarify this---I have been thinking about this along time. I have been thinking about whether Micheal is the guy for me for a long time.I probably will think about it for a long while more, becuase people are always changing and growing, but i came to a realization---we have been growing and changing for the past 7 years and i can honestly say that YES i do love him now more than i ever have, and everyday i realize more and more how much we love one another, its the fact that we have made it this far adn that we have made it through so much....what is bothering me is that i feel like everyone keeps focusing on everything that we have been through adn NOT on the fact that we have made it through or that we have worked through all of it TOGETHER. a relationship is give and take and in my heart i know that micheal and i love one another and that there is NO ONE in this world that i want to be with more than him...Leah- I am sorry but i do think there was a misunderstanding between us adn i am very glad you cleared it up---i think i misheard what you saidNiki- I do plan on moving out with micheal before we get married, but not i think i need to know him better before i made a commitment like that- as leah put it we have been together for 7 years, if i dont know him well enough by now then i have no bussiness loving him the way i do and the like goes for him. I wont however move out with Micheal before we are engaged under the current cirumstances, this is somthing that we have discussed in depth already and he understands why i am making this choice.I just feel frustrated sometimes becuase i feel like Micheal and i are constantly having to "prove ourselves". from the day that we started dateing there has always been somone who didnt approve of us being together, i guess we were nieve to think that if we were ment to be and could work through our problems and come out in the end still inlove and wanting to be together that people would see what we have always seen, that we love eachother. I do appriciate all of the concern for me though, it makes me realize how many people care about me:) I just wish that i could let everyone see and feel what i feel when i am with micheal---or just thinking about him...i wish that i could show you all what Micheal and i already know
"Little Man"----for Koa
Little Man
A precious little gift, is what they all will call you
My little man is how I know you.
God sent you here so early
For reasons no one knows
He knew you Mom and Daddy
And that they’d love you gladly.
They say that he knows best
That he only does small tests
And until today I questioned him
Until today I say an empty hymn.
But you were sent my little man,
To touch the hearts of many.
They know you as a precious gift
Sent to Jeremiah and Courtnie.
But to me, you are my little man
My angel in blue light.
Before you can even walk
Before I have held your hand
You’ve found me where I’m floundering
And led me back to land
My little man.
You’ve made me see that I need to believe
That Someone is watching you.
That in the end God put you here
And in the end he’s here for you.
Cause the thought that you are lost like me
Is far too much to bear
And little man, I thank you more than words can ever say
I hold you in my heart; you gave me reason to pray
I better update....
So i figured that now that i have gotten numrous phone calls i should update to say that Micheal is ok, Gabe is still and idiot, but Micheal is no worse for the wear. A lady he works with said that he was acting stange the last few days, like he was sick or somthing but i think thats understandable considering what happend, although i dont think he told his parents cause they already Hate gabe like i do adn i know that micheal is trying to help him beat this drug addiction but i still cant help the way i feel about him....I'm sorry Micheal if you ever read this, but i will never like Gabe, not with the way he treats me adn anyother girl for that matter adn if he were to stop hanging out with you or move away it would make me very very happy becuase i have seen how you let him influence you, weather your trying to help him or not....
thats all for now i guess...
I better update....
So i figured that now that i have gotten numrous phone calls i should update to say that Micheal is ok, Gabe is still and idiot, but Micheal is no worse for the wear. A lady he works with said that he was acting stange the last few days, like he was sick or somthing but i think thats understandable considering what happend, although i dont think he told his parents cause they already Hate gabe like i do adn i know that micheal is trying to help him beat this drug addiction but i still cant help the way i feel about him....I'm sorry Micheal if you ever read this, but i will never like Gabe, not with the way he treats me adn anyother girl for that matter adn if he were to stop hanging out with you or move away it would make me very very happy becuase i have seen how you let him influence you, weather your trying to help him or not....
thats all for now i guess...
Almost forgot
And Gabe ran Micheal over with his truck last night...I will tell more after i get to talk to Micheal hopefully today, he called last night but i didnt get the whole story cause he was still kinds shacky from it i think, i think he will be pretty swore this morning but i dont know how bad it really was, he said that he was fine last night, just a cut mostly but that he had broken the mirror off the truck cause he was trying to jump out of the way and it clipped him, Mike N. said it threw him about ten feet though.....i guess i whould count my blessings that Micheal was able to get mostly out of the way and i didnt end up at the hospital to see him last night, wich i can tell you right now he wouldnt have been the only one laid up in a bed it that had happend....but i wonder how he is doing this morning now that the adrenalin has worn off....i'll write later
S i went to church last night with my mom and Leah for ash weds. Going to church is kinda like working out, the hardest part is getting up and going, but once your there its easy and when your done you feel better. They are offering weds services for lent, they're going to be really short, like only 30min and leah and i talked about it and are going to try to go to at least the first 3 because they look interesting, the last two are on work and our nation and i dont think i will got to those, but i dont know, it all depends on the others i guess. and i think i will try to go to church on sundays too, not just becuase my family is going but because i need to figure this all out and i dont think not going is helping me.I didnt sleep very good last night again either....its lame this whole week i have had even more restless sleep than normal, i feel like i could sleep for a month right now.and then to top it off i woke up with a sore throat this morning. This is the last week of wrestling too so maybe next week will be less caotic and i will be able to sleep. LOL or maybe this summer when school is out... i think i will take the summer off but it all depends on if they offer this one certification class or not. i want to get certified in Flabotomy, i think that is how you spell it, they are the pple that draw blood at the clinic and hospital. i figured then i would maybe be able to get a more stable job while in school, although i may have to start working nights or weekends which would reall y put a strain on my relationship with micheal, like the summer that i worked at the Prospector and worked EVERY WEEKEND. i never saw him that summer becuase he was always at work when i had off and was at work when he was off, i had the shittiest hours ever....but htis is not a gripe about them and their stupid manager at the time.so yeah, things are just going...
