Update on Court and Jere
So Coutnie and Jeremiah are still in anchorage, so far no baby thank God.I think it would be best if the little guy stayed in there untill April 14th or later, that way Court is at 30 weeks and he might actually be big enought to make it. they decided to change his name too form Jeremiah Junior to Koa Ikiaka ( i think i spelled that right) it means "Strong Warrior" in Hawian. I dont htink that they are thinking about the fact that court is only half Hawian and that makes the little one only 1/4 so he probably will be really fair skinned like jere and people are going to wonder why he has a hawian name....thats if they can say it...oh well i guess we should all count our blessings that they arent naming him Moonbeam or Morningstar right? no offense if anyone is named that....Do my Dad and Leah drove down to Anchorage this weekend, i was really bumbed htat i couldnt go cause i had a ton of studying to do because i have 3 tests this week. Anyway they went down there to bring jere his truck adn then sunday they were going to drive back in Leahs car but her CV axle broke just outside of this place called Trapper Creek so they had to be towed back to town...it really sucks cause they were stranded around 3pm but didnt get home untill 2am this morning cause they were closer to anchorage than to Fairbanks but my Dad didnt want to have it towed to Anchorage adn then have to wait for it to get fixed and him and Leah miss work adn school.well i better get to class, my day is just begining now that i;m off work.....i hate mondays
Sad poem
I feel these old feelings creeping back
and they scare me
I;m terrified and silent
not knowing if i'm strong enough this time around
before i was young and restless
this time i;m just alone
all of this is failing
and i cant keep holding on
the same thoughts are creeping in
and i cant stop their forming
I feel the steel across my skin
I feel the pills i swollow
I feel the bullet in the chamber
My heart is racing
my eyes are dry
I feel the end aproaching
nows the time to die
I feel the old familar feelings
I think the old familar thoughts
I'm not me thats doing this
Forgive me
I dont mean to hurt you
I dont know why i do the things i do
last time i had a reason
this time i just feel recklace
and alone
I love you all so much
but i feel like loosing control
already lost my grip on all that i hold dear
i'm not doing this to hurt you
I do it for myself
I admit i;m being selfish
and all of this may sound like ramblings
and random little thoughts
I dont know what i;m saying
i dont know what i'm thinking
some day i'll no the answer
some day i'll feel like praying
Court went into labor again tonight, she started to rupture the sac ( that means her water started to break) the baby has no chance of survival right now at 21or 22 week, he might make it if he gets to 24 but my mom said he would be blind, deaf , have heart problems adn need to be tube fed for the rest of his life....they took her and jere to anchorage on an emergecy flight...i keep praying, but i dont know what i;m praying for....I dont want them to loose the baby but hes too little right now, hes gonna be too little for a while...i know jere is gonna take this hard and i cant even be there for him...i'm scared like everyone else.I just dont understand why some pple who are so undeserving get perfect little babies adn jere adn court need to go through this....If there is a God why would he do this to them? adn dont give me that shit about "its a test..."maybe he should "test" the fucking crack whore down the hall, give her a reason to change her life...."test" the asshole who beats his wife...."test" somone who deserves to be tested....and why wouldhe test us anyway? i thought he was all loveing and forgiving...FUCK YOU!!!!!YOU TAKE THEIR BABY AND FUCK YOU!!! thats what i have to say.
the lady down the hall had her baby while we were there...he husband was so happy, Leah told me she was jealous of them...I was angry...angry cause "God" was doing this the jere and court....and then sad part is no matter how angry i am i dont know where least to turn but to God, adn ask him to help them, to not do this to them...i really hope he;s listening
Havent prayed that much in a long time
So thursday my family had a really big scare....Court and Jere had gone to the doctor for a rutine ultra sound to find out if they were having a boy or a girl and about all the tech could get was that it was a boy but then he kept moving all around and she was having trouble getting a good picture of him so she decided that she would finish the rest of the exam and that maybe he would stop moving around as much, so she had gotten one really good picture and then moved down to check Courts cervics and realized that she was 3 cm dialated and was in labor. so jere rushed court to the hospital and called our mom and courts mom adn at the hospital they gave her some drug to make the contractions stop but it wasnt working, when i got there they were telling jere and court that they had a 50-50 chance of loosing the baby that night adn that court was going to need surgery to close her cervic if they wanted to save the baby. but they had to decide if they would do the surgery that night or wait till the next day because with the condition that she was in that night they had a 70%chance of accidently breaking her waterwhile doing the surgery and if that happend they baby wouldnt be able to survive for more than and hour or two because he was too little and his lungs were developed enough. Jere ask what the chances woulb be if they waited till the morning adn they said that if the baby's "sac" went back inside court adn he cervics started to close that they would have a better chance of being successful in the surgery but that if that didnt happend then there was still the low chance that the baby would survive the surgery adn that even if the surgery was successful the chance for complications were much higher both for the baby and court in the way of infection or rupturing of the sac becasue it was exposed. Jere and court decided to wait till the morning because of the possible benifits.
I sat in the hospital room with court for a while my mom and jere went to get somthing to eat from the cafiteria adn talk. She was really upset about how this could happen and why it wasnt caught before during all her other doctors visits. everyone really uspet and tension was high but all of a sudden i found myself listening to JJ's ( thats his nickname-Jeremiah Junior)heart beat, it was amazing..and it made me tear up, on the monitor we could hear his heart and when he moved....it was scary to think that he might not make it.
But yesterday they brought court down to surgery adn everything went better than the doctors were expecting adn now she is just on bed rest for the rest fo the pregnancy. so everything is going much better...
