Thursday, December 22, 2005

Weird.....

Ok so the last few days everytime that i drive in to town or back out to my brothers its been dark adn i feel like i am going to throw up the entire way....Is it possible to get carsick while you are driving? cause like this morning for example, i was driving in and i got about 3 miles from his house and started to feel like i have the stomch flu....it persisted and got worse untill i got up to the University and was sitting in my truck, thinking about calling in sick and going to my parents to lay in bed for the day.i decided to wait in the truck for 15 min cause i was like 20 min early....i leaned my seat back and closed my eyes for a little bit and i started feeling better, within 10 min of sitting there in my truck my stomch felt 100% better, my head didnt hurt, and i didnt feel feverish anymore....its weird, i'm starting to wonder if that is why i always fall asleep in cars, because other wise i get sick...interesting....
i'm not sure what the plan is for tomorrow...i was going to see if i could come to work in the afternoon instead of the morning so that i could go to Leahs wrestlig meet at 6 but then i heard that the director is talking abotu closing the office at 12 so if i want the hours i need to come in at 8 and get off at noon, but then i have a 6hour lag time before the meet, no problem really other than that jeres dogs will either be outside or inside adn will either need to come in and be fed or let out depending on the temp but i dotn have the money to be driving out there and then back into town and then back out there...cause then i would have to fill my truck up again and i've already filled it three times this week...thats like 120 some dollars....thats how much i normally spend on gas a month...that and i dotn know if Courts sister is planning on going to the meet, if she is then i might as well stay in town and give her a ride back but if she isnt then i should go back out there as soon as i get off work because she is coming over to help me with the scrap book... i think i will call her tonight and find out what she is doing and then talk to Leah, i feel bad for not going to more of her meets...but i guess she never really went to that many of mine either...
today before i go out to the house i think i am going to stop by the store....maybe i shoudl call my dad and tell him thati will pick up the pizza for tomorrow night and he doesnt have to..yeah i;ll just get them tonight..i'm down to like my last 5 checks...wich sucks cuase i still havent gotten in my new ones that i ordered like 3 weeks ago....i thought it would only take 2 weeks. maybe i should go tot the bank too and take out some money just in case cause with how much i have been haveing to fill up my truck i might run out of checks by monday...
i'm not looking forward to the drive back out to the house...i dont want to feel sick again...oh well, once i get out there i am fine. i wonder if micheal will come out tonight...i havent seen him for a couple days now cause i leave town before he gets off and i understand why he wouldnt want to drive all the way out there just to have to drive back into town a couple hours later...but i miss him...that seems silly, we've been dating for so long and i miss him after a couple days apart, adn we talk everyday..its not like hunting season when he will be gone for a month or so and i talk to him the day he leaves and then dotn hear anything untill he is back...

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

I PASSED I PASSED....do the happy dance...I PASSED!!!

One more semester of chemistry and i am done...finished...." no more"(inside joke) i think i will graduate in the spring of 08 give or take a semester....I'm so excited! now i am just waiting on my ecology grade, i know i passed, i just want to know if i got an A or a B...
I'm so ready for this week to be over, this is the last day of wrestling practice untill next year (meaning Jan) then i have two more days of work...
I'm picking V up after work today to bring some of her stuff to her dads now that she is moving out, im happy for her, she doesnt deserve the way they treat her at that apartment....and they are the reason why she has been having such a hard time finding a job...
well i better get going..write more later

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Odds and ends of the day

OK why am i so tired today? the drive in was horrible, my eyes wouldnt adjust cause i am sleepy so every time somone would pass me my eyes would start watering and i would be completely blinded for a little bit.... its cause my brothers house is so warm and cozy, i slept soo sound last night adn i could have slept all day today if i hadnt had to come in for work.
So my cousin matt is engaged now....i find it kinda humorous cause i didnt even realize that he had a girlfriend....then micheal came out to the house again last night with Bear, we had fun jsut hanging out together...it was nice, and bear adn duke were cracking us up...they are so funny when they play....
Oh and i locked myself outa my car this morning....threw my keys in my purse and went inside...i had to call parking services and then wait by my car for them to come unlock it. then the guy got the door unlocked but the tool was stuck in the door...lol it was funny.
Oh and Brandon came back into town yesterday, i heard that Leah left Practice early to go see him at the airport...Ritchie sure has changed sents the days when micheal and i were wrestling.
oh and i went to check my grades on line the other day and have forgotten my password...now i am locked out of my account ( like i do at the end of every semester) and need to call the registars office to have it reset...it will probably require me going down to lower campus so show my ID or some shit....maybe this is a sign that i shouldnt check my grades....i dont really want to know if i failed chem...i only want to know if i passed.lol that makes no sense.

Monday, December 19, 2005

:) He Loves Me...He cant help it....:)

ok I'm not sure that everyone knows but i am staying out at my brothers house this winter break...my cell doesnt work out there but if you want to reach me you can call my parents and they can give you the number out there, or leave a message on my cell and when i get it i will call you. its a long way out of town but its kinda fun...its the first time i havent been scared while house sitting adn even though i stand by the fact that i am a cat person, i think that i can thank Duke and Jezabelle (my bros dogs) for making me feel safe....anytime i feel scared i just tell duke to go check the house and he goes running out into the kitchen and living room to check....and then at night he cuddles with me adn jezzi normally sleeps at my feet or on the other side of me...oh that reminds me..so at like 2 this morning Duke woke me up and i started to pet him, but i was half asleep and he started to roll over so that i could scratch his belly and rolled right off the bed...i felt bad for laughing but it was so funny. but he got me back for laughing this morning cause he scared the crap outa me at around 4 by barking right in my face....
so back to why i was writing, and what he title of todays post is about...Micheal and i made up saturday.... I hadnt called him friday night because i was mad that he hadnt showed up to the wrestling meet like he had said he would, and i felt like he hadnt come becasue i was there....well it turned out that he tried to call my cell but like i mentioned before it doesnt work when i am out at Jeres....then he tried to call Jeres house to make sure that i made it out there, but i was outside playing with the dogs....then he was worried thinking that i hadnt made it out there and then i didnt call him cause i hadnt realized that he had call me and i was still mad...then the next day i had to go to a funeral for courts aunt...which was absolutly beautiful...Liz would have liked it so many people were there and they had her favorite foods and songs...
well i was at the funeral and micheal was trying to call me again at jeres. after the funeral i came into town and did alittl shopping with my mom and then headed over to Micheal's house for the x-mas party...i wasnt feeling that good and i was thinking baout not going but i did...when i got there Micheal was like "YOu not know how to answer a phone or what?" which really pissed me off and i started to leave but then he was like "Wait! no..." and gave me a big hug and told me about how he had been trying to call me and was worried cause i hadnt answered ( i checked when i got back out to Jeres...he had called their house like 6 times in an hour!thats so not like him) so we talked and enjoyed the party and people kept asking why we werent married or engaged yet, micheals dad tried to help by metioning that micheal is building a house this summer so its just not the right time for us right now....and although i agree it felt good to see him getting such a rash of crap for not asking yet:) i think its cause i would never say it to him because i figure that he will ask when hes ready, but i think about it alot, espesially lately because i feel like we could be getting married in the next year and half to two years, like its feesable now, not like high school.
then i left the party early becuase i didnt want to head out to JEres too late, but i didnt really want to go cause i was having so much fun cuddling with micheal and sneeking away from everyone for little kisses....like micheal would catch my eye from across the room and then he would walk downstairs and a few minutes later i would casually walk downstairs...hehehe it was funny, and i am sure that everyone noticed....
so i left and went out to Jeres, leah was already there adn we hadf planned on working on this scrap book for Jere and court...when i got out there leah was already hard at work getting the pics ready to be printed....i called micheal to tell him that i got there adn he was driving in his truck... i was like thats odd i thought he had to stay at the party... so i was like " Are you driving?" "Ummm yeah..." "oh where you going?" "Nowhere..." "LIAR...your going to a friends house huh?" "Maybe" ( i hate when he says maybe) "If you are jsut tell me, i dont care.." "Yeah i'm going to a friends house.." "Ok...well i'm going to help leah with the scrap book now and then head to bed... i got a party thing at Niki's tomorrow at 1, want me to call you after?" "yeah" " ok love you..." "love you too..."
Then about 30mins later Duke started barking and i was yelling at him sayin gthat no one was there when as i walked to the back door i about crapped cause there the micheal in the window...it scared me cause i really didnt expect anyone to be outside cause Duke always barks at nothing...but anyway Micheal had come out to the house to spend time with me and while Bear played with Jez and duke i relished in the fact that we were not fighting any more....
AND to top it off i have an interview for a lab position today at 1!!!! I'm having such a good weekend i dont think i really care anymore if i failed chem...i'm sure that it will bug me, but i'm just so happy right now....and this is getting long so i better go.TTYL

Friday, December 16, 2005

alright...

so i told myself that maybe i shouldnt write about micheal and i fighting in my blog because it tends to give the wrong impression about our relationship when all i do is talk about how made i am at him...but thats the thing, i;m not. And i try to write about the fun times we have together and the times that i am on top of the world but you know what thats not what a relationship is about...your not always doing great, your not always falling in love....sooner or later you come down from the high and you fight and yell and dont talk for days...or if you do its only at night...for 5 minutes to say goodnight, ilove you and to inform the other person that Yes..you are still mad....thats where micheal and i are right now....the one phone call at night, i love you, i'm still pissed, hope you had a good day, mine sucked, goodnight.
And the thing is that the only reason i am mad is cause i feel liek he doesnt want me around, but he has been sulking for the last two days and is mad that i am mad.....its like a visous cycle....but i'm always the one to break it. we're going to have to see eachother tomorrow because we are both going to the wrestling meet for our respective younger siblings....I feel like we are playing some sort of game....liek the one that we play to see who can go the longest without kissing or touching the other,and we do everything in our power to make the other person want to kiss us. but this time its not all cute and im not vieing for a kiss...well ok maybe i am, but hes a stuborn ass.....LMAO he is.....why am i mad at him but still laughing? I am so furious right now, i just got off the phone with him, and he is still doing the bur in his ass thing and yet i;m laughing....
Its like he knows i;m mad, and i know hes mad but niether of us wants to give in.... I invited him to my brothers house over break....he said maybe...wich in micheal talk mean no most of the time...maybe i;ll come over, maybe i;ll call you, maybe i will see you, MAYBE THIS!!!!!! Maybe i;ll get over it! HA how do you liek that micheal? throw your stupid MAYBE back in your face...
Ok that was a little Psyco huh? i just am not really sure how i feel, and i dotn know if ill fell different tomorrow when my finals are done and i suddenly dont have anything to occupy my time...maybe i will go to the gym....but he might be there...thats what he did today, part of me wonders if he didnt go to see if i was there...cuase then he went straight home for dinner...and he when shortly after 6 ----when i am normally there...but i didnt go today becasue i was going to go home after practice and study...didnt do alot of that though....i think i know too much already, they should jsut give me my degree adn be done with it....
I wonder if thats why he went to the gym....it would be great if it was....i'm so going to make sure that i look absolutley want to rip her clothes off hot tomorrow for the wrestling tournement....:) i wonder what he'll think of that.... "you wanna play, lets play baby...." LETS GET READY TO RUMMBLE!!!!!!!!! i;m so winning getting him to kiss me first....

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Fun little Story

So i thought it might be fun to tell a story today, its about my parents. I was thinking about it today during lunch with my dad while we were talking about everything that has been going on lately. Its a story about how different and man and womans point of view can be when confronted with the same situation.
First i would like to start with the version that my mother would tell me when i was little.
MOM's Story of how her and my dad got engaged:
So it all started one summer. My mom and dad had both applied for the same job at a local gas company. Their interviews were on the same day. My mom, early as usual( untill recent years when my dad and her have switched) adn my dad stylishly late arived for their interviews at the same time.
The tall hansome young blonde guy with the amazing blue eyes stopped and opend the door for my mom. Her assesing the situation adn relizeing that they were there for the same reason said " We're both here for the same job so if you think being nice to me is going to help you get it your out of your mind..." to which my dad smiled, adn clamly slammed the door in her face.... She went home that night telling my grandma that she had met the man that she was going to marry, " Really? whats his name?" "I havent gotten that far yet Mom...geeze"
Both my mom and dad ended up being hired and worked together that summer, my dad shooting rubber bands at her butt when she bent over and her too shy too ask him on a date...Untill one day, my dad had had is wisdom teeth out....there he was sitting at his desk, doped up and bruise adn unable to talk. So my mom sauntered over adn asked "So Tom, Would you like to go out tonight?" then came the muffled reply "nfjdhfaNlhfhOfdjslkdjfiw" (can you guess what he was trying to say?) " O...ok then...see you at 7...."
After that date, my dad healed up and realized that my mom looked killer in a pair of white jeans (I dont know if she made that up or not)and they went out a couple more times. then one night he said "Ok Cindy we need to get one thing clear, i'm not looking to settle down, i'm gonna date other girls" adn so he did.
when my mom went back to school that fall she decided that there was no point in sticking to one man, even if they were to be married some day, if he wasnt going to be exclusive with her...so untill he came around she would find some arm candy of her own to drive him crazy....so she dated another guy while at school adn with winter break fast approaching decided to bring him home for christams...but to her suprise he was headed to the same little town in Illinois...."Hey we coudl do a doule date with my Best friend from high school when we get to town Cindy..." my mom agreed, it could nbe fun...
So tehy headed back home for the holidays and one night this other guy came to pick her up from her house adn then they headed to his buddies house to pick him up....the were standing on the front porch waiting for somone to answer adn my mom was thinking about my Dad ...."i wonder what he would think if he saw me out tonight?i wonder if hes even in town..." suddenly the door opened and she looked up....into those amazing blue eyes....my dad just smiled greeted his friend adn then her....
my mom ended up breaking up mutually with the other guy and her adn my dad began dating exclusivly...then one night my dad pulled a small box from his coat adn asked "Cindy....would you grow old with me?" and slipped the opal ring on her finger (opal instead of diamonds because he knew they were her favorite) a year or so later they were married.


Now for my dads version of the events.
Your mom was a snob when i first met her....but i thought she was pretty cute and she wore these white jeans to work that drove me nuts. she tricked me into dating her because i couldnt talk...but that was ok cause she was cute... i wasnt looking for anything serious and i date a lot of others girls while i was with her... this probably drove her insane....
Then i asked about how he proposed....
well thats a funny story, cause i never proposed, well not really. I decided to buy her a ring, but i was flat broke so i bought an opal, btu htat was still more than i could afford really....but i thought it looked pretty. then one night i asked her to grow old with me....next thing i knew i was standing at the front of a church, saying i do adn was married.
when i asked her to grow old i was thinking more along the lines of "hey lets run away to Alaska and live in sin for the rest of our days..." ( he said this all in a joking/ laughing tone----for any of you that know my dad you know the jokester that he is)
So you see my parents seem to have very different views on how it all came to be...and i started thinking, whats the moral behind this story?
Girls: Take what you can get and run with it, no matter how ludicris it is, men wont question it...and in the end you'll have the love of a life time
Boys: Becarful what you say....
Hope you all enjoyed the story....

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Sometimes i feel like screaming

So something is up lately...Micheal and i are fighting adn ignoring eachother. its like we are in a slump and cant get out, and some people are just making it worst by gloating in it, liek they are happy that i am miserable and irritated and exhausted.I;m not going to name names though, i'm sure they know who they are.
Last night i jsut gave up and left his house saying "next time if you dont want to see me or hang out be an ass to start with dotn wait till i drive across town..." and then i left, without a good bye, without saying "i love you"....we never leave without saying "ilove you"
I called him last night to say good night and to see if we could talk things out but he was still in the same...well for loss of a better word...Bitchy ass mood as when i had been at his house. Its like he is pissed off at me...or board with me.
Myabe it was bound to happen, i mean we;ve been together sence we were 14, maybe people arent supposed to fall inlove that young because you change too much, because you just end up falling out. The scary thing is that i'm typing all this, thinking about it, contemplateing what could be happening and i just feel exausted....too tired to feel pain, or hurt. like last night normally i would have driven home crying, i started to, my eyes started welling with tears and then i started thinking about what micheal was doing...playing video games not caring that i had left, no actually he was probably getting his coat to go hang out with his friends now that i was gone...then i was just angry....All i wanted was some time with him, for him to hold me and kiss me...for him to act like he was in love with me....I;m sick of hearing it i want to see it from him...i'm tired of feeling like i was just the thing to do while he waited for his freinds....and i know that this should hurt more when i say it and that scares me, but i'm getting offly sick of trying....
I;m starting to think that love is a big load of shit....what the hell is the point if at the end of the day things have to change, and you cant keep that innocence, that feeling of falling, what the hell are you to do when your that old married couple before you are even married.................i guess you close your eyes and go to bed, see how you feel in the morning

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

OK correction----

I need to be clear about something...My Brother's wife is pregnant, NOT ME, but i will be an aunt in June...YEAH FOR ME!!!! and she is being weird but i am trying to be understanding...key word "trying"

Something worth while

Ok so the last couple post have been kinda negative..ok not kinda they have been really negative. But actually i have been feeling really good. i've been stressed of course cause of finals and i think that i am more irratible because of it and there for pissed off at alot of people and things. But i realized this morning that yeah i am irritated with my brothers wife, but after talking to my friend Niki ( who i thought could shed some light on being pregnant seeing as she now has her almost 2 year old son) she said that she was the same way when she was pregnant and that she would often be angry with people and not liek them for no apparent reason, but i figure that i can still have micheal out adn my Sister said that she would come out to visit, OH and i am going to practice my cooking so i thought it maybe fun to have a little survey:
Please vote how you truely think i promise that this is for fun and if you really think that i will starve to death when left to my own devises i wont take offense...but if i do i ask that you come to my funeral and cry, and say somthing nice about me and my cooking:) and then afterwards be sure to have a party where you all get drunk and have a couple laughs on me....preferably in a hot tube adn with at least ONE naked boy falling, being pushed, or getting hit with a snowball resulting in a face plant into the snow for me....now please place you bets...oh wait is that legal in alaska? ok now real money is to be exchanged( that i know about that way i dotn have to admit anything if THEY come looking for me)
What will happen to Rachel over Winter Break
Terms: i will be at my brothers house from dec16 -Jan7/8
Other than holidays and maybe weekends i will be cooking at the house for break
So...for those of you who know me, and those of you who dont...place your votes

1. I Will starve to death within a week
2. I will give myself food poisoning, and then come back to my parents house
3. I will burn the house down, or at least the kitchen
4. I will eat out everyday
5. I will be hospitalized for mac'n'cheese overdose
6. Being forced into a suvival i will end this break as a gourmet chef and you will all be begging me to feed you!

Ok i'll let you all know how i do, i'll try to update every couple days and let you know how it went adn what i have for dinner, seeing as i dont eat breakfast and i will be at work for lunch so dinner will be the only meal that i am required to cook because thats generally the only meal i ever eat that is, well not microwavable---normally..lol

adn to end on a very good note: I LOVE COACHING!!!!! i think i have said that before...and Leah came to Yoga with me yesterday---she is like freakishly flexable...i dont think we are really related (just joking) She blows me away somtimes, she is turning into an amazing youmg woman...i hope my dad is right when he said that shes like me, cause if i'm like her then i'm pretty well off. So I love coaching. i love my family, i love micheal, i love my friends adn although i am stressed out beyond belief right now...i'm happy.....

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Ok Friends and Boyfriends are pissing me off today!!!

OK so i started out irritated with micheal bcause he is being stupid right now and pissing me off...to the point that i am really rethinking what i got him for christmas cause i really dont think he was telling me the trueth when he said he wanted a ring, because he missed wearing his...i think he said it to make me happy cause lately the way he acts is well frankly like he could care less if i was in the room or not....and i know htat you are going to say...look back in your blog but that entry doesnt help with how i feel right now...cause hes still pissing me off
then Ashley is acting kinda bitchy right now...probably because i told her that i didnt want to be around John now that they are back together...long story that i am not getting into but short version he left her for his ex then when nothing was going to happen there crawled back to her so that he would have someone to pick him up after getting drunk on a monday night....GET A FUCKING JOB ADN STOP USING MY BF YOU ASS WHIPE!!!
well i called her to see if she wanted to go to FAC a nd worek out and she said no cause she is sick...thats fine...but then i told her how i was pissed at micheal and she made some comment about how i was just going to be pissed at him tommorrow too cause he always does this...well at least hes not leaving me for Monica...ok that was harsh but i'm FuCKING pissed right now...i may delete this entry if i get my senses about me again...HA
And then to top it off JEre called me to ask if i could house sit after him adn court kept going back and forth with can you house sit, nevermind found somone else, then can you house sit...like i am the last person they would trust to house sit adn then to top it off Court has some burr up her ass and said that i cant have V or ashley out there ( and with what ash said tonight im not as worried about that now) so pretty much i get to sit out at 29mile chena hotsprings road with their obnoxious dogs all christmas break just because court is having some pregnant lady fit and cant get over things that happend in junior high and freshman year of high school...but what is really pissing me off is that they wont tell me what it is that either V or Ash did! oh but michela can come out...like that will happend,,,with the way he has been acting i doubt i will even see him over break

and the only reason i am even still house sitting for them is because i love my brother and courtnies moods have cut almost all of his other opptions for who can house sit cause she doesnt trust or like anyone right now...its so stupid, if i ever act like that when i am pregnant someone slap some sense into me...
on the plus side i am coaching for wrestling now...its a total blast! i love working over there, and its making me feel good cause i have lost some weight too, not a lot but some and i feel so much better,,, i actually like working out again:) wich is like the first time sense i got out of wrestling in high school...they offered me a contract, nothing big like maybe 200$ a season but hey i;m doing it for nothing right now...and if the school district wont give me a contract i would still do it...so to end on a good note...if you need meaning or something that makes you feel really good volunteer...I wish i had done this early.